I pray we become free

There's something really tragic about this.
Being a girl here is tragic
It's a crisis
Maybe you don't see it
Maybe you're too blinded to see it
Maybe you don't want to see it
Or hear it
Or feel it
But here it goes
Yes, we go to university and we get to study what we want
But tell me
Aren't you expected to become a mother?
Doesn't your mum have annoying friends who think girls are a 'burden' until they are wed?
Tell me,
When did you really feel free?
Tell me,
Do you spend your money on books or make up?
Tell me,
When did you pick a book and read it to learn not score a good grade?
Tell me,
Are you in college to learn or just because it's expected of you?
Tell me,
How does it feel to be expected to stay away from men then one day, you're married and you have to fuck?
Tell me,
How does it feel to not be able to walk on a damn street because everyone is too damn deprived that they can't leave you alone?
Tell me,
How much are you lying to yourself by disagreeing to this?
Tell me,
When was the last time you said what you felt?
When was the last time you felt like you can choose?
We're all locked up in a very colorful illusion.
I pray one day, we become free.

Just another blogpost

Like the murmur in the middle of screams and hassle

Street lights in the darkness as we felt we're going somewhere

Away from a futile existence

To the isles of delusions and lost hope

And we laughed and we lived

Like ants in a hornet's nest

Hiding away from the light

Thinking we have it all.

Until there was no more. 

A little prayer

This little 'prayer' goes out to the creep that followed me and every creep that follows a girl home.

I hope you never feel happy.
I hope you lose everything you've ever cared about.
I hope you find all the doors closed.
I hope a car hits you after you're done stalking me (or anyone else)
I hope you suffer.
I hope you wake up to pain, everyday of your life.
I hope your life ends on the hands of a woman.
I hope you never have children (to save us passing your shit genes and manners)
I hope you're miserable every single day.
I hope the worst things I can imagine for you.
I am not exaggerating, This hurts. This shouldn't be okay. 
I deserve to feel safe, I don't have to be worried about leading anyone to the wrong block.
I have better things to do.
I'm more than someone you randomly follow and say hello to.
Unlike you, I'm a person. 
You, creep are just a waste of space.

I am from

I am from the womb of my mother, crying for attention.
I am from smiles, moments, eye contacts, rendezvous, letters, pictures, flights and lots of love.
I am from Levant mountains, bombs, wars and blood.
I am  from pages of books I've read, role models I've tried so hard to mimic, pictures I've painted, people I've hugged, places I've been, movies I've seen, music I've danced to alone on a Thursday Night, parties I never went to, hangouts I've cancelled, e-mails I've ignored.
I am from my mother, who never wore make up, maybe because she never needed to.
I am from my father, whom I hated so much for making me do so much Math as a child, who bought me books when everyone got Barbies, and to him I can never be grateful enough.
I am from the five year old girl whose toys I ruined because I wanted similar ones.
I am from the kids I bullied because I felt they were so much better, I'm sorry.
I am from the guitar I bought and never learnt to play.
I am from the times I said things without thinking and hurt people so close to me.
I am from the notes I passed in class through out my school years, the times I faked sickness to skip class, the scary notes I left in some people's bags.
I am from the short hair I had to keep boys away, which seemed to work very fine, the denims I wore and the legendary no make up rule.
I am from opinions and beliefs opposing my parents', most of the time for the heck of a discussion.
I am from the people who make me smile.
I am from the good times I had with you and the many to come.
I am from the dreams  that never fade but never stop changing either way.

Just an Incident

She was looking at the words of the book,

Her eyes fixed, not going in any other direction,

Too bad I couldn't see her face,

I made a noise, no reaction

Coughed, 

Loudly,

Again, no reaction,

I wanted to know what this stranger was finding so interesting,

Wanted to know what captivated her thoughts,

I dropped something so that she'd move,

No reaction,

She kept reading and I kept burning with curiosity,

I wondered whether she would have been interested in me,

If we ever crossed paths again and I was holding a book,

Probably not.

Family

They're wonderful.
When you find them, you feel like you found heaven on earth and you have an indescribable feeling of warmth and happiness. You go to bed knowing that someone out there is thinking about you, you know that someone will look for you in a crowd, you know that they will fight for you, they are your everything and you are their everything. They are family, your family, a family that you weren't born into but instead, it is a family that you found in a cold world. They may be your friends or your lovers or both. But they are priceless and being with them is magical and perfect.

Hope you find your family :-) 

The First Year

 The orientation, the welcoming, the first class, the first midterm, the first door opening attempt, the saying hi and becoming instant friends for a day with random people on campus, the first time seeing the sports complex, the discovering of great books within the walls of the library, the first time playing crap on that piano, the first time fighting banner war, the first time meeting them, the first time running after people during the club fair asking them to join the Math Club, the first time sitting on the floor outside your professor's office because you're so desperate to get your questions answered, the first time having so much caffeine in your system you feel like you're going to die, the first time leaving assignments to the last and I mean very last minute, the first time running to class, the first time going to the roof and finding out that you can see stars over there, the first surprise party in the 'Orange Room', the first awkward conversation with strangers who are now a part of you, the first time I changed so much in such a short time. My first year at AUS.